Hibernation

I’m not talking about hibernating animals. I’m talking about myself.

For the past month or more, I’ve felt like I was in a cave. Everything seemed dark, and nothing was interesting. I just wanted to sleep, though I got up every day, showered, and got dressed. Some days, that was all I did.

cave-1395307-639x426

I’m not entirely sure what set it off. I have clinical depression, and I was definitely depressed. It was winter, which probably didn’t help any since the long, dark, cold days and nights usually make my depression worse. I’ve been struggling with a novel I’ve been trying to write for nearly a year now and just can’t seem to make work, and that was causing some major self-butt-kicking as I tried to figure out why I couldn’t wrap my head around the problem.

I also had to leave the part-time job I’d only had since September, because I was no longer able to manage the commute and work shift five days a week. The shift was only three or four hours, but the commute was nearly that long, and it was just too much for me. That was what really shoved me into the dark cave. Having to give up a job I usually enjoyed, one with that few hours involved, because I was physically and mentally unable to handle it did a number on my self-image, and that fueled the depression.

So for the past month or more, I’ve been essentially in hibernation mode, just trying to maintain things.

Tomorrow is the first day of spring here, though one wouldn’t know it by checking the temperature (below freezing as I type this) or seeing the snowbanks left from last week’s blizzard. It’s the time when things start coming out of hibernation.

I’m feeling better now. Stronger. So I’m hoping I’ll be able to make it out of hibernation too.