Instead of going into the living room, I decided to go to my room. Landon and Tyler were arguing about the TV, which meant I’d be able to have some time alone. The thing about having Landon living there which would take the most getting used to was not being able to have time alone in my own room unless I told him to stay out. And telling him that would seem weird considering it was his room too.
Right now, I decided to take advantage of having time alone. So I went into my room, closed the door, and flopped down on my bed.
Staring up at the ceiling, I tried to figure out why I was so upset. Dad had said right out he didn’t think anything was wrong with me, so why did I still worry he might think something was? He hadn’t judged me, but I still felt judged.
Maybe I was just judging myself. I was okay with the way I felt, but I knew not everyone would be. Some people would consider me a freak, and some wouldn’t believe I didn’t want romantic relationships. I wondered if Landon felt the same way sometimes about being gay. Being gay was more acceptable than not being anything, but plenty of people still didn’t approve of it.
If I’d thought he would understand at all, I would have asked him. But he was one of the people who always teased me about finding someone. At school or the mall he pointed out girls and guys he considered cute and encouraged me to talk to them.
Maybe if I told him doing that was the same as me trying to talk him into going out with a girl, he’d back off. He might at least understand why I had a problem with it. I just didn’t know if I was ready to tell him.
After a while, I decided to stop thinking. It was giving me a headache, and I wasn’t solving anything. I kept staring at the ceiling and tried to shut off my brain so I didn’t get stuck in a thought-loop.